I've talked about body shaming before but it never goes away. There is always this voice in my head telling me I'm Fat. Telling me I'm not Pretty. Telling me I'm not worth it. And the truth is I let her in. She lives inside me and I don't know how to make her stop. She brings me to tears sometimes. No one talks about this and I think everybody feels this way. I know I am my own worst enemy but I don't know how to change that. I applaud the people that love themselves the way they are no matter the size or shape. I just can't do it. Maybe it's because I know I can be better then I am right now or maybe it won't ever make a difference what size I am if I lose weight or don't... I think that maybe that voice inside me will still always be there telling me I'm not good enough.
I know I'm wrong. I see the positive in almost every situation. So today wasn't a great day and I let my emotions take over. So you want to know what started my shame game today? I have a wedding to go to in a couple weeks and I'm trying to find something to wear. I tried on a couple things and I just wasn't feeling it. I want to to feel pretty. Today I just felt fat. Today I'd rather just stay home and wear my jogging pants and drink some wine and watch Netflix. Is that going to get me any closer to were I want to be. Nope. But it's not going to get me any farther away either. Giving into feelings and emotions isn't giving up. I already know that everything will work itself out and that I will be pretty no matter what I wear.
Phase two of my shame game process is the Pep Talk. I give into my feelings and if I have to cry, I cry. Then I pull up my big girl pants and tell myself how much I am worth it, that I am pretty and that I am on my way to being a better me. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself of these things. Maybe I should start reminding myself of these things every day...
I am Pretty.
I am Confident.
I am Strong.
I am Healthy.
I am Happy.
I am Worth it.
I am ME!
And I am Enough.
