Saturday, April 29, 2017

"Nice Rolls!" - the truth about Body Shaming


Well I'm not talking about cinnamon rolls.  Do you now what sticks with a person and makes them start to hate their body? Name callers.  Bullies.  Body shamers.  Now I will say for most of my life (yes even now that I'm an adult) I have been teased, made fun of and had jokes cracked at me.  Yes I'm short. Shorter then most. Now tell me something I don't already know.  And well these things do get under my skin now that I'm wiser I just try to let it roll off.  No what I'm talking about is something much deeper then that.  Something from the days of my youth. I have a memory to share with you and it isn't a happy one.  It's one of those moments in your life that forms a part of you. It's a memory about that time you are an adolescent girl in a public pool, in my probably last two piece bathing suit (I think it was anyways, it was a long time ago).  As you are getting into the pool you hear the group of boys call out "Nice Rolls."  Being naive and not knowing what they meant, I said thanks and swam away as they laughed.  Now that I'm older I know exactly what they meant by rolls. 

My body, my middle, my stomach. That's​ what those boys were talking about. They were making fun of me for being a little chubby. I know it effected me when I was younger because I've found a diary I used to write in and every so often I would write that I'm going to lose 10 pounds. When your in your teen years that is not something you should be worried about. And yes ok my diary was more filled with what was going on in my life and the boys I had crushes on but every so often losing weight would pop up. That one incident had made me aware of my body and what other people thought of it. It made me think I was different and undesirable. That's when it starts. You start to hate your body. It has never gone away.

Do you know what I do to myself even still now when I know I shouldn't. The same damn thing that those kids did to me.  I look in the mirror and only see myself as fat. I can't imagine why anyone would ever want to love me looking the way I do.  I am so hard on myself.  I constantly put myself down. I should be better then that. I know I can be better than that.  Why is it so hard?  Why can't I just love myself?  To all the people who come up to me and tell me how amazing I'm looking and how I'm such a roll model and how proud of me you are and that  you are following my Living Lighter journey. You truly do not understand how that makes me feel.  I am so glad that you see something in me in which I can only partly see and believe in myself.  You make me want to do better and make me believe in myself more everyday.
 
A friend of mine recently posted​ a kick ass blog (click here to check it out)  about how she went on vaca and strutted her fine self in a two piece.  These are the woman I look up to and aspire to be more like. I'm still trying to find my confidence, I know it's kicking around somewhere. One thing I know I need to do more of is personal development.  I'm a serial book collector in which I collect books that would help me but then I let them collect dust.  I have 2 in which I must read because I KNOW they will help put my mindset in a more body positive place.  The first I have mentioned before,  is called Pretty Happy. Healthy ways to love your body by Kate Hudson. And the second is You are a Badass by Jen Sincero.  Maybe I should start a personal development book club to keep myself​ accountable.  What do you think would you join me in reading and growing more confident?

Note the Bookmark... I did try

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Say Cheese!


Mmmmm cheese. One of the things I miss most since discovering my body no longer likes dairy.  I never quite realized how many things included dairy before since I was able to eat them.  I give a mad shout out to all those a living with a life long allergy like nuts or gluten.  Man if it was one of those two I think I would actually have died​ by now.  No I probably really wouldn't die but you definitely have to learn to adapt.  I find it hard since it's something new for me.  I find now I just sum it by saying no cheese, no butter and no fun. That's not really all true. It's has been kind of fun discovering new dairy free products to replace those things I can't have.  

So you might be wondering... Now Michelle if you used to be able to eat dairy what happened? How did it change?  Ok I'll tell you the story.  It all started a few years ago when I was helping out and starting to work in a new location. So as I didn't know what stores would be around I packed lunch and made sure to make a batch of Shakeology balls to have as a snack.  Now for a little TMI... I wasn't sure if I was having an IBS flair up (which is a complete other blog topic to cover) or just a nervous stomach/gut from working in a new location; but me and the bathroom got real acquainted and I basically lived on Pepto for the week.  I couldn't figure out what the issue was. So the weekend rolled around and I was finally feeling a bit better.  So as one does I was scrolling thru my Facebook when a post a friend had shared caught my attention.  It seemed that the brand of Almond butter I had been using had been recalled for Salmonella. So I went to the website and checked it out and sure enough the jar I had was in the contaminated bunch.  So guess what I threw out, the jar of Almond butter as well as the batch of Shakeology balls I had been eating all week since it was that almond butter I'd used to make them. 

Now it took me probably another 6 months or more to really figure out that it was in fact dairy I had a problem with.  Let me tell you those months were hard, I lived in fear of going out because I didn't know what would make my stomach and gut upset.  I never thought it was something I was eating! I had already cut out really creamy things like ice capps and cream in my coffee but it dawned on me one day that it seemed like anytime I had any dairy I was having some sort of issue with it.  So I decided to cut it out all together and see what happened. Sure enough I started to feel better without any more symptoms I had been suffering from. I decided to talk to my doctor about it just to see if there was any testing that could be done.  It basically went down like this; if I was finding that dairy causes those issues and I was feeling better by not having dairy then yes you are lactose intolerant lol.  The doctor also told me when a person has a seriously​ bad flu or something like salmonella it can strip your gut causing you to become lactose intolerant. Great.  Anyways so once I cut dairy I did start feeling alot better but it has been hard.  Alot of things I never would have thought of actually do have dairy in them.  A few of the things I miss the most, dill pickle chips, cheesecake, ok actually any dessert, grilled cheese, lasagna oh and chocolate.  CHOCOLATE!  Guys for real it's a struggle some days. Yeah I know it's not exactly the most healthiest of lists so maybe in hindsight it's a good thing I can't tolerate dairy. I gotta say though I still do miss that stuff I can't have. 

Do you want to know something else I haven't had since I've went through this whole process? Almond butter and I really liked it!  I think I'm going to have to get over my fears and buy a jar. Maybe just not the same brand lol.  I will say it has been fun to discover new products that are dairy free and delicious. I was able to switch out my regular chocolate Shakeology for vegan chocolate Shakeology. Another swap I made was with my coffee and although I could definitely buy lactose free milk and add sugar to it, one of my favorite finds has been Silk almond creamer in vanilla, so good!  The day I found lactose free greek yogurt by my fave brand Liberté oh lord was I happy! I probably did a dance in the grocery store lol.  Also the brand So Delicious makes the yummiest cashew milk ice cream.  And thankfully Daiya has Alfredo mac and cheeze as well as frozen pizzas. I haven't had the courage to buy a bag of the shreds myself and I should try the slices so that I might be able to have a grilled cheese again.  Another saving grace has been that little gem I told you about in a previous blog post (click here to check it out).  The Minga offers up all their goods dairy free and now have a margherita pizza that I can get with Daiya and I'm slightly obsessed with it as well as a baker who makes Vegan donuts.  You'd better believe I've had a few of those lol.  Who knows maybe one day I'll even make a dairy free lasagna!  Watch out world I'm exploring your dairy free offerings and there's no stopping me now!

Oh another thing I miss buying a frozen dinner. I totally used them as a quick cheat but just about every single one of them has dairy in it.  So I now just make my own.  Cooking for one I usually have enough for a few meals, so then I portion them out and freeze them for later.  I am finding it really fun to cook. Not so much the dishes but the cooking is fun.  Going out to a restaurant itself can be challenging.  Is there going to be something I can have or am I going to have to take a lactaid and still possibly suffer later?  So yes there is a pill I can take before I eat dairy to help me be able to digest the lactose better. However I don't like to take them as I figure the more you take them the more of an immunity I will build up causing me to have to take more pills to tolerate dairy. I'd rather just avoid dairy if I can all together.  So I talk to the waiter/waitress and ask questions.  I put it out there that I'm lactose intolerant and can't have dairy.  Can I get my veggies with no butter, can you substitute the mashed potatoes for something else.  Do you offer a dairy free dessert?  Most cases they work with me and I have an enjoyable meal.  Of I'm in doubt I will take a lactaid and still eat. So when others say pass the cheese, I say pass the wine!  I might as well enjoy something right! Lol